Ugh. This week has been heartbreaking.
Yesterday, on the hottest day of the year, I spent the day scrubbing and cleaning our house ready to hand it over... I literally sobbed into the oven with sweat dripping off my nose. I went back this morning to put the bottle of bubbly in the fridge and leave the new owners a card, but totally forgot to take out the massive bucket of stinking mud that was now buried in shrubbery in the borders. Stinking because it is actually chicken poo we dug up when we laid the turf a year ago. It will be really REALLY stinky and rank now in this heat....how embarrassing! Still, at least I didn't leave them a full bin of crap or bash a hole in the wall when I opened the kitchen door today* -sorry, new owners.
Mike took the boys to school this morning and F's teacher welled up at saying how she'll miss him... so Mike burst into tears at drop off which is a great start. This later led to us both hysterically crying, saying goodbye to the house and school. Have we done the right thing?! Are we flipping MENTAL to leave this life we created?! Are we?! Yes, yes it totally feels like we are. Then our lovely neighbour popped in, a good friend but he always seems to catch us at a wrong time- and didn't seem to realise what was going on and wanted a nice chat. We reigned it in luckily enough through the sobs to tell him we'd be over to his in a minute..!!
After saying goodbye to the house we bumped into a few neighbours returning from the school run. I had to put my head down and run- then we went to say goodbye to our dog by taking him out for a run. Our lovely hound who we rescued a while ago... He's staying with Grandpa, like everything else in our life for the next 18 months. To say it was tough would be an understatement, letting that little boy go- (albeit temporarily) but as we pulled up to the house he went crazy with waggy- tailed excitement. Grandpa has a menagerie and loves animals, has a big house and garden. I know he'll look after the hound as well as us but it still smarts. Like when I left the children for the first time ever. But this time I'm not going away for my honeymoon, I'm going away for 18 months and just have to hope he remembers us when we get back.
Today has been so much like childbirth- we've cooked this idea for months- thought we were at the hard bit for a while, but this moment proves us wrong. I've changed my mind, I can't go on, it's all too much. In my experience transition means that your baby is coming soon... If not an actual baby then an adventure baby perhaps?! Hopefully there will be fewer piles and cracked nipples. We're pushing through, mind! We've got no choice now.
All that being said, today has been much improved by taking to my bed for a nap and being able to FaceTime my mother (in the next room) to bring me a cup of tea. What can I say? The earth continues to circle the sun, and the lazy teenager remains in all of us. If it was easy, everyone would do it wouldn't they. I'm recharging, regrouping and hoping the last day of my children's school career is easier than today.